I agree with so much of this. I lived abroad for 13 years; 12 of them in Asia. I’m now raising a kid in the US (Ann Arbor, Michigan) and I desperately wish I had not returned to the US. Childcare for the years until he went to K would have paid for a BA + MA at a public university. Now in-school aftercare is almost $5k/year. Life is a rat race. I work full-time, run around to pick up my kid from the childcare (hours were shortened and many places closed during the pandemic) and then work 2 freelance jobs…all to make ends meet (and I have a paid-off townhouse, an Ivy master’s, and a “good” FT job for a university). The cost of therapy, medication, and just basic health insurance (which doesn’t pay for much of the necessary therapy and meds) for my neurodivergent (ASD/ADHD) child is staggering–avg $400/week, and he’s not even in a residential program or a private school. I understand that you want to be able to see your family more, but in my experience, I had more quality time to spend with my family when I lived in Asia, because then I was able to return to the US for extended periods of time. Now that I live here, time off is rare and things are so rushed that I maybe see them one weekend a year. I also very much miss travel, the amazing food, and having time for hobbies… Many states are NOT a good place to be a teacher right now, either. Teachers are being being blamed for society’s shortcomings, while simultaneously being asked to not only teach, but also be social workers, therapists, and in some states, armed guards.

Perhaps they should rent upon returning to the US. When in transition, I think it’s helpful to try out an area first before you commit to it with planting roots into a home. (up-size when your family expands). That allows them some flex in savings for retirement. No one says that retirement funds need to be in Retirement accounts. They could build up their retirement in taxable brokerage accounts. The key is they they are savers and attacked the debts they have.

They should simply their accounts in cash. Just toss it into one joint account in the Marcus account. No point in having so many divisions in cash. Money markets are paying more than 3.9% so look into those. Some have 5% +payout.

All new saving should be into brokerage account for now. And when it’s time to buy a home with cash, they could just exchange the stocks for a home. Let the money do the heavy lifting for you.

Fellow expat here. I’ve lived in Spain for 7 years now with my husband and 12 year old daughter. I just want to agree with what many are saying about the difficulty of raising kids back Stateside. We lived in Spain for 1 year then moved back to the US when our daughter reached kindergarten age. The culture shock was overwhelming. The US is such a fear-based culture. My daughter’s school did active shooter drills with kindergarteners hiding under their desks. We lasted through the school year then moved back. Now when I return for visits US culture seems so ridiculous. The constant driving and traffic is terrible. The amount of processed food people eat is crazy. The gun and violence worship is over the top. Everyone is obsessed with work. The government subsidizes gasoline but not healthy food so gas is cheap, but a tasty red pepper (if you can find one) can cost over $2!

That said, I love Americans (and all the National and State Parks) and really enjoy my visits back in the summer.

I’d recommend renting before buying to make sure you can handle the US.

I had the same thought about Staunton as a dream location. I grew up outside of DC, went to college at UVa (Charlottesville is still where my heart feels at home), and lived in Philly for several years. Staunton is cute but SMALL. The population is < 1% that of Hanoi or Philadelphia. And the amenities are correspondingly slim. It's about a 3 hour drive to DC; even if you only go once or twice a month, that's a long round-trip or an overnight stay. It's also about 2 hours to the nearest decent-sized airport (Richmond), which could put a cramp in your travel plans or visiting ageing parents, depending on where they live. I also second what Eliza said about the conservatism; I am not white and vividly remember walking into a restaurant there with my (white) college boyfriend; heads swiveled/it went quiet, like a Hollywood movie. Most uncomfortable meal ever.

Don't get me wrong, I love love love the Shenandoah Valley and am never happier than when I am in the mountains; it's the towns that leave something to be desired. If you do want that easy access to nature while still being relatively close to city living, think about Chantilly or Centreville in western Fairfax County (which pays teachers well and has a phenom school system, though housing prices will be correspondingly high).

During the pandemic it was insane for everyone, but especially with little ones in daycare. Both her kids have to be in daycare and because of the ages they are in separate daycares. They are always sick, ALWAYS. And both their jobs are sick of their kids being sick and them having to be parents to their sick children. I feel bad that you’re getting this resounding ” don’t come back!!” but politics aside, I don’t envy anyone with children in the US that has a 2 parent income. I think we are all on the same $ responsibility bandwagon but there is a live to be lived in all of this. Don’t lose sight of the seemingly phenomenal life you guys share in VN.
Someone’s losing when both parents are having higher responsibility jobs: the kid’s own parent becomes a PT childcare worker to their FT job, the parent (usually Mom, let’s be real) feeling like they are sub par at being a parent and then also not present at work, or the partnership of two adults scrambling around trying to cover all bases. Unless you can snag that flex work (hybrid, 30 hr FT work, flex schedule) and family/affordable childcare … I wish it was better here in the states. But it really ain’t great.

And that circles back to being able to have quality & affordable childcare + lifestyle in VN. Honestly the life you live there sounds amazing, freaking phenomenal.

The low cost of living, you guys both securing professional employment that you could take anywhere with you in the world, the quality of life with massages and dirt cheap amazing food… You sure you want to come back and spend 11-14$ for a cocktail ? LOL

Maybe fly back and visit more frequently to see family or so an extended stay? Now that COVID is letting the world breath again maybe that would afford you guys the opportunity to do an extended stay in the States once or twice a year?

And I also appreciate your financial anxiety because I share it too. I bought a house right outside of Philly, Brookhaven in Delco, and in 8 years it has doubled in value. There is no way that I could wrap my head around buying my house for that $ now. We joke about selling our house in this market, Even though we do love the house just hate the location, but then where would we go? I can only appreciate how amazing renting is now that I own a house. The mundane to the easy repairs, to the hard repairs, to the multiple trips to the home Depot and Lowe’s after a home project has evolved, to eating up our free time for the DIY and save $ cost, that just wanting to throw your hands up and be done with it all.

Owning a home is never-ending. It just never stops, there’s always something. This morning, the basement floor is randomly wet in 1 spot… A leak? LOL, add it to the list. Granted our house was built in the 1870s but still. It was rehabbed when we bought it but it just happens
There is a lightness with renting that feels oppressive in the moment, like you are under thumb to someone else. But it’s really nice when there is a leaking pipe or an appliance goes and you just get to call someone. Or that there may be a very easy fix to this maintenance problem but you do not possess the tools to diagnose it or repair it. We have one of those stupid glass top stoves that was brand new when we bought the house. I can’t freaking stand it, it sucks to cook on and we can’t really get an even cook with heavy pants because of the glass. But now financially anxious me constantly playing ping pong with the ideas of keeping the free, crappy, I hate using you 2x daily stove vs going through the immense hassle to replace it, let alone the cost, how do I dispose of the old stove, vs offer up free vs recoup some.$ and sell for cheap.

Just a word of encouragement, it’s ok to take the path of least resistance 🙂

As several friends have done, I wish I had travelled more and worked with my kids overseas. Now we have a house and the kids are at school, everyone is too settled to move. I’m desperate for more adventure and ‘normal’ life can be monotonous, don’t rush back to it. Everything will be waiting for you, when you are ready to come back. House prices may have gone up, but so will your savings. Enjoy living in the now and go with the flow. I’m a firm believer in everything happens for a reason and you’ll end up where you’re meant to be, but who knows what path will take you there.

Hi Shayna! Thanks for your comment 🙂 Great tips re: potential orgs to look at when it comes time to find a job.

I’m definitely going to get moving on rolling over the retirement accounts. I hadn’t even considered that we are likely paying a lot of more for vanguard funds in a non-vanguard account when my husband already has an IRA through vanguard! Thanks for calling this out!!

Hi Eliza, thanks for reading 🙂 You make a really good point about making sure that Staunton will be a good fit. It’s always different visiting a place vs actually living there. We should definitely try to get a bit more info before diving in and especially before purchasing property.

Thanks for reading! I will definitely look into using foreign tax credits.