1) I live in California. With the current housing crisis, huge taxes and cost of living (yes, not much different that NYC) I’m not really sure it’s worth it to move here unless you have a crazy high paying job. I see friends in the tech industry who make ~$200,000 feel like they are struggling. Yes, they may be making non-frugal choices but also things here are expensive and they get more expensive as your kids age. There are ways around it, but it takes time and creativity which some people may not have the ability to do. You sound like you can, but do you want to? Also, housing is crazy over-priced for what you get here. Something that should basically be a tear-down costs about $1 MILLION in certain areas. Then they want to renovate. 🙂 It doesn’t make sense and makes people stressed and unhappy. Don’t move here unless you have a really good reason (family) or a super-high salary. Public employees are moving out of the Bay Area in droves or they commute 1.5-2 hours per way to get to the “high” paying jobs. I know you are thinking LA, but I don’t suspect it’s that different.

2) We own a duplex. It makes sense financially in high cost of living areas. We paid a lot, but find that the amazing tenant next door covers a lot since rents are high here. It’s a win-win for everyone – we get help with our mortgage/taxes and the tenant gets a high-quality home with a “property manager” who is always on call and fixes things right away. It works for us, but may not be for everyone. One other thing about a duplex in California. Traditionally, they are built in areas of a neighborhood that are “less desirable” Meaning, you could be next to a shopping center, parking lot, the back of a school. “Less desirable” is relative – we are near a school and shopping center, but I LOVE that because I can walk to both with my kids. Again, this isn’t for everyone who may want something more traditionally suburban. Also, if you move to California, we generally have excellent public schools. Try to find a duplex in a city/neighborhood that has top-rated public schools. You send your kids for free and make money from your home. If you decide to stay in NYC, save towards buying a brownstone – you live on two floors and rent the basement apartment. We have friends who do this in Brooklyn and it has really worked for them.

3) Again, keep schooling in mind when in NYC (or anywhere for that matter since you now have a kid(s)). Some places with affordable homes to purchase have terrible schools (we used to live in NYC). So while you may be saving in terms of home, you make lose out in terms of quality schools or having to pay for private education.

Good luck and it sounds like you are on your way!

There’s $50 / month for each of you (so $100 / month for both…or $1200 p.a.) for discretionary spending including after-work networking and coffees. Some things to consider:

Are these socialisation / networking things going to help your long-term goals? For instance, do you network with people who have contacts in LA who could help you find employment there, or are they people who can help you more in your current situation / careers, or possible long-term political aspirations? That might help you decide if they are worth continuing or whether you need to find a new group of people with whom to socialise, or even help you crystallize which goal(s) to pursue.

Assuming you continue socializing this way, perhaps consider switching water for coffee (yeah, yeah, sacrilege! horror!). I am assuming here that non-bottled water is free – you won’t be charged for a glass of water – as it is here. If anyone questions the switch, just tell them that you’ve heard that increased caffeine consumption increases the risk of not having a live birth (reduced fertility, higher miscarriage rate) – this applies to both men and women.

I’m a resident of LA. We have been a one-car family of four for nearly five years. We live on a bus line and have many neighbors who live here with one car (or none! But those folks tend not to have kiddos) It can be done!

With the amount of travel you are doing, I would definitely look into it. The least hassle-y thing to do would be open two credit cards that come with big opening bonuses. Eg. If you and your husband each opened a Chase Sapphire, I believe that would be 100k points right now, worth over $1000 in flights. (there are often better deals that pop up). The main pain would be spending enough money to get the points (usually a few grand in a few months has to go on the card). It’s honestly been a game changer for me, but I can see why people avoid it.

However, as someone who also moved back here to be near my family, I totally understand that wish. As an alternative, is there any way you might be able to take longer or more frequent trips here or if time off work is an issue for you could you even use some of the savings from not moving here to help your family travel to you?

The other thing I wanted to add is about public transit. I take the metro frequently and have found it to be quite useful, but mainly because I try to go to things that are right off the metro stops. There are lots of times though that we have to get off and walk a few miles to get to where we want to go. The city is not designed with any shade so in the summer these long walks are a slog. We’ve waited for buses that never come and then we’ve been stuck too. It’s an exciting time to see the metro line extending, but it’s also a very slow process while you’re living here waiting for them to finish. Surely they’ll be further ahead in 2 years, but right now is a middle point where we can see all this development happening but it hasn’t become especially usable yet.

I hope you find a situation that works for you and your family! All the best!

Kids don’t have to be expensive. I recommend buying everything you need for kids used at consignment sales. We have saved hundreds, if not thousands, of dollars on baby/toddler things from consignment sales. And we can sell them all back to someone else for a similar price to what we paid for it.

I don’t think you can get by without a car in LA if you have a baby. Too many things to consider — needing to drive the kid to urgent care, running out of diapers at 2am, etc.

I’m commenting for the first time on your post mostly out of homesickness–after 18 years in the city (10 of them in Brooklyn!) I moved to NJ last summer. Our life here is good but I miss my Park Slope neighborhood. Our move is not as far as LA, of course, but having had 2 kids in the city and now relocating elsewhere I feel like I can offer some advice.

First– We’ve used every combination possible of childcare over the last six years and the part-time nanny share was the cheapest. With my son, we found an existing nanny share with 1 full-time child and 1 part-time and we took the other part-time slot (so the nanny always had 2 kids to watch). Begin looking NOW on your neighborhood listserv or facebook group. Get the word out that you want an arrangement like this. It will take some hunting and many false starts to find, but I think you can. I loved working 2-3 days a week. It let me keep my sanity, make a little money (just enough to cover the childcare), and feel like I was maintaining my career but also gave me the time home with my infants that I needed.

Once my daughter was born the nanny share wasn’t practical any more. Nanny shares are tough to coordinate with multiple children in multiple families. At that point–he was 2– we switched my older child to part-time daycare and my daughter eventually did the same when she went into daycare 2 days a week at 10 months.

Another big benefit to staying in NYC is the UPK program. My son did his preK for free at our local zoned school (which was excellent) and had a great experience. If your school isn’t as good or the preK is full, I know many people who did UPK with one of the community partners and it was also great– though some preschools only have space for continuing kids, not new ones, so that’s worth considering as you make preschool choices. And now deBlasio is pushing for U3K! If we had stayed in the city this year we’d be sending both our kids to school full time for free. Thanks to differences in age cut-offs and moving to a town with a half-day K, we are instead back to paying double tuition.

Finally, we are spending more monthly now that we’ve left the “expensive” city. We need two cars, and while both were bought used, we have to pay for gas and maintenance. With taxes and insurance our house costs more than our co-op did. Many things–preschool tuition, groceries, swim classes–are cheaper here, but the big ticket items aren’t so it winds up a wash. But we get much more space and I have the comfort of knowing our growing family can fit into this house and our children have great education options until they go to college. NYC public middle school applications are rough. My husband especially loves being out of the noise and crowd of the city, though I miss it fiercely. My kids are still little– 6 and 4– and have adjusted well to the move.

Good luck to you! Sounds like you and your husband need to spend some time prioritizing the personal/political/career/money goals and figure out what will make the most sense then. But you seem like sensible people so I’m sure you can do it!

I highly recommend TravelMiles 101–they have a free travel hacking course, which I think is the best.