I’m not sure if you’re still reading the comments. If you are, I wanted to mention that your healing journey will give you insight, knowledge, and skills that’ll be invaluable if you eventually decide to join the healing profession. (Obviously, healing is the work of a lifetime, but you must be stable if you’re to be safe and helpful for yourself and clients.) And, sometimes, it can help with getting through tough times. What you’re going through has meaning and usefulness on multiple levels.

Next, I wanted to mention that there are many skilled healers working without a grad degree. It’s true that you don’t have access to some positions (especially management) and the pay can be lower. However, a grad degree doesn’t always mean more fulfilling work or even significantly more money (if you factor in student loans, etc.). Anyway, be sure to find out know how things work in your region.

Once you are in a healthier place (and if still interested in healing work), volunteer to see if it’s truly a good fit. This also helps with figuring out which conditions/issues, treatment approaches, and populations interest you. It’s especially important to volunteer and talk to people locally to learn what’s good, who/what to avoid, and what *you* uniquely want/need in a grad program. I recommend Esther Perel’s two podcasts: “Where Should We Begin” and “How’s Work” (recording of therapy sessions). Also good are TED Talks, including those by Esther Perel. Finally, look at training programs to see what competencies they require for graduation and any books/articles they assign (then, you can listen to talks by the authors, read the materials, etc.). Note: grad programs often have prereq courses, such as statistics, intro to psychology, human development, etc. so review those as well.

For developing skills and experience, the best non-school training I’ve had is that provided to volunteers for the local crisis line and “warm line” (when people need support, but aren’t in crisis). This free training program provided us with concrete useful information, skills, and *lots* of low-stress practice. [Note: A “crisis line” sounds super intense and it can be, but with the high-quality training, we all felt prepared. Also, we have support from professionals and advanced volunteers. All we have to do is raise our hand and they’re right there to coach us through the call and debrief afterwards.] That said, there are many meaningful and less-demanding volunteer opportunities to get a feel for the field and work. So, maybe start with an easier volunteer gig. Then, if still interested, gain more experience and develop skills/knowledge (for yourself and for school applications/rec letters).

I’m cheering you on! Please let us know how you’re doing. Best of luck!

Another thought, I am not familiar with the health care system in Canada, but your lack of insurance makes me anxious. IMO, it would be worth the added expense every month and the delay in debt repayment to get insurance. If you had a serious illness or accident, you could be in far worse debt without it.

It wasn’t clear to me when you said you were keeping your debt a secret if that meant from your husband. If so, I would encourage you to share with him (and possibly with 1 or 2 other close friends/family members). You might be surprised – instead of judging you, they can be a good support system for you.

I was going to suggest the same thing!

Good ideas, Aileen, especially the one about the No Spend Days. I’m having a lot of success with those.

A couple of years ago I realized I was charging something to my credit card nearly every day. When I categorized & analyzed my charges, I found I went from ~200 charges per year in 2014 to 400, 500, then 600+ by 2020. Swiping is so easy — $2 parking, $15 Netflix, $300 lamp…

So I started counting No Spend days. Last year my goal was 60 spend-free days. That was hard at first, especially with moving to a new house, but I ended up with 88 days for the year. This year my goal is 100, but now I’m asking myself — Why do I spend money the other 265 days of the year??? Why not 200 spend-free days? My latest strategy is “market days”. The Amish in Missouri only go to the market on Saturdays. I decided to try shopping only on Friday or Saturday, and again on Monday or Tuesday, with other days as needed (e.g. dinner with friends). I allow myself one or two small expenses with cash on spend-free days, e.g. a burger lunch, postage, or a recipe ingredient from the grocery store.

Surprisingly, conserving my attention is one of the biggest benefits of delaying spending until market days. Instead of trying to satisfy every little need when it comes up, I can be “lazy”, put the need on a list, then return my attention to whatever I was doing when the need popped into my head. Often, by the time a market day arrives, the “need” has disappeared, or it has been satisfied by something I had on hand.

That sounds super stressful having your wallet stolen, but I wonder if, even assuming a stolen wallet every few years, may be a better financial situation than using cc’s

When you say you were a “selfish and ungrateful kid who always had to have “IT” is that your voice or is it how a parent or someone else spoke to you? What I mean is it can be a genuinely hard experience being on the poorer end of a richer place, there can be a lot of whispered or unspoken judgements, social exclusions, etc. If any of that was at play it’s ok to own those feelings, even if it was not on the same order of magnitude as going hungry. Speaking as a former hand-me-down wearing private school kid whose parents made a lot of sacrifices, but I do get a little twitchy to shop when my self esteem if feeling a bit shaky. I will also say I genuinely take pride in mending and repairing clothing, so sometimes fixing something to be nice again scratches the itch, as does going through my current items and picking out something a bit neglected to wear more